More Word to the World

Ask yourself, “Am I willing to invest the necessary energy to come to a new relationship with my mate, one less crippled by unreal expectations, one more shaped by who we really are?  Can I change?” Maturing love finds a new level of intimacy because the couple is more comfortable with the balance of strength and weakness they find in their spouse and themselves.

Marital love is subject to the marriage vows and the Word of God. Rather than making marital love a complex thing, husbands can break it down to this simple formula: I love her because (1) She is my wife, and (2) God said Husbands love your wives.

A wife may ask it this way: Why should I love him? Because he is my husband, we have pledged our lives to each other, we are bound together by God’s Word and by our vows, he is the father of our child, we are accountable for our life together before God and men.

Ideally, love will be expressed through both our feelings and will.  But sometimes a conflict arises between the two. In such instances, which one will take the lead?

For example, when feeling tempted into an extra-marital relationship (affair/adultery), it becomes the will that leads, not the feeling.  One must respond to temptation like this: “I will express my love to my wife by faithfulness when tempted.”

The Book of Proverbs provides strong warnings against the long-term dangers of marital infidelity:

Proverbs 6:26 For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adultress will hunt for the precious life.

Proverbs 6:32-33
32 But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.
33 A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away.

For men, one way to handle the flirtations and temptation of a beautiful woman is to think about her this way:

Proverbs 11:22 As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.

That verse explains that the woman who flirts with you husband may be highly attractive, but she is just a dressed up hog if she is flirting with a married man. And you cannot blame her if you fall. You are not innocent.

Proverbs 6:29 So he that goeth in to his neighbour’s wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent.

We should practice enforcing our will by saying “I love you” every day, despite changing feelings caused by moods, health, disagreement, problems of the day. Do this by an act of your will as an act of faith. Your words then need to be followed by works.  God will honor your faith as you look for the flow of “felt” love to come from God.

Love holds and drives a marriage

Let us focus on two of the primary defining scriptures for the marriage relationship:

Ephesians 5:24-25
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

From Titus 2:3-5, we learn that older women are to teach younger women several things. Among them is that they are to teach them to love husbands. Husbands are commanded to love their wives and wives are expected to love their husbands. Love is the foundation of marriage.

During a dating period, the relationship is most often driven and sustained by the blissful feelings associated with romance. But a marriage will not survive if it is driven by feelings alone. Feelings are fickle and subject to change on a moment’s notice. Marital love cannot be tied to how you feel.

However, your marriage can sustain your love. What I mean by that is that after marriage, your commitment to the marital covenant made before God is what sustains your togetherness. And that commitment can also spring life into your love.

There is no such thing as “falling out of love.” We don’t love because we “feel” a certain way, we love because of a command we choose to obey. It is a false idea that states loss of romance signals the end of the marriage. If you find your marriage lacking in romance, that is not a signal to end, it is a signal to get back to work.

Love advances through stages:

a.         attraction

b.         emotion (infatuation or immature romance)

c.         expression of the will.

As we grow older, the things that caused our original attraction begin to change. We gain weight, our hair and teeth fall out, we develop wrinkles, etc. Us guys end up with more hair in our ears, nose and toes than on our heads. So we must move from simple visual attraction, or an emotional attraction, to an expression of our will. At that point, mature love causes us to choose to love our spouses.

Love Each Other

We have noted the importance in a marriage that the partners demonstrate their love for God first. Love plays a very significant role in marriage. Next comes love to one another. What quality about you do people see that causes them to think you may be a Christian? Jesus answered that question by saying it is the way we love others.

John 13:35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

True love is not just an expression of words but multiple expressions of action:

1 John 3:18 My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.

When you are in love, you can overlook some things (like a physical feature), and can concentrate on other things (beautiful spirit, kindness and service to people). We must find ways to demonstrate our love and not just tell of our love, because actions speak louder than words.

A good way to demonstrate love for your partner is to daily ask the question, “What can I do to demonstrate my love to my partner today?” It may drive you to do things that you would never do except to demonstrate you love.

Love for God is #1

For our marriage to be successful, we must set our relationship with God as the top priority. That is our most important relationship to maintain. A marriage that is informed by the Spirit of God and His Word is one that can handle the stresses that work against that relationship. Christ is the head:

1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ…

And our love for God must be greater than the love we have for our spouse. Jesus made this shocking statement regarding that truth:

Luke 14:26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

The Greek word for “hate” used here is miseo, which is more accurately translated in this instance is, “to love less.” That completely puts into perspective the levels of love that are appropriate for both God and our spouse, and other family. No relationship should rank higher in importance than our relationship with God.

If you are a Christian, your love to God it total, complete, unlimited, and second to none.

Luke 10:27 And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind . . .

When we have a healthy love relationship with God, it helps all other relationships to be balanced and healthy. Imagine the old vinyl record album. The large disk had a small hole in the center which when placed on the spindle of the record player, would cause the disk to rotate in a balance manner. However, occasionally a deformed record would be produced that placed the hole slightly off-center. When the deformed record was placed on the spindle, it was obvious right away that it was out of balance. When Jesus is in the center of our relationships, they will find a balance that would otherwise not be possible.

If your spouse pressures you to compromise what you know is right, you must make the choice, however difficult it may be, to do what is right. Consider how Peter responded to a demand to go against what was right:

Acts 4:19 But Peter and John answered and said unto them, Whether it be right in the sight of God to hearken unto you more than unto God, judge ye.

Acts 5:29 Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.

Your love for God MUST be a higher love than that which you have for your spouse.

Jesus loved even His betrayers

The most difficult thing to grasp in the story of Judas is the very powerful message of unquenchable love of Jesus for betrayers. What did Jesus call Judas when he arrived with soldiers to arrest Him?

Matt 26:50 And Jesus said unto him, Friend, wherefore art thou come? Then came they, and laid hands on Jesus, and took him.

After Jesus’ arrest in the garden, all of the disciples deserted him.

Matt 26:56… Then all the disciples forsook him, and fled.

Yet Jesus still loved them.

And to the people who had stripped Him naked and beat Him mercilessly and crucified Him, He looked down to them from the cross of crucifixion and said, “Father, forgive them…” (Luke 23:34)

Jesus did not just speak about love, He demonstrated it vigorously.

Eccl 3:8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Eccl 3:8 He sets the time for love and the time for hate,
the time for war and the time for peace. TEV

At first reading of this verse, some may recoil at the thought that God would set a time to hate and a time for war. “After all”, one may reason, “Is not God all about love and peace with all men?” Consider this: You are in a park and see an adorable little girl playing alone on the monkey bars. She is at play delightfully enjoying peaceful moments in her make-believe world. Mom is looking the other direction intently speaking with someone on her cell phone. Your heart feels love and compassion for that cute little thing and you just want to hug her. Then in an instant, a previously unnoticed suspicious character leaps out of a car that was parked nearby at the curb. In merely ten seconds, the man dashes to the girl, puts his hand over her mouth and abducts her, pulling her into his car. In an instant, your peace and love are violated and you are moved into action. A deep anger rises. Hatred for such abuse overtakes you. You are ready to go to war against such an act. Yes, there is time to love and a time to hate. There is a time when injustice demands waging war against tyranny. Let those emotions now finish this story.

I just had an idea for the first ever contest in Proverb-a-day history. Finish the story in today’s proverb-a-day in character with the verse, submit it in an email to proverbs@moreword.com along with your name and city and state, and I will give the submitter of the best story(ies) a free download of my CD and will send the story out to the proverb-a-day group next week, giving credit to the author.

Submit your entry to me by Monday, August 22 for consideration.

Valentine’s Day Special…

Prov 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.